i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
