Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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