sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
