Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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