Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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