I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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