My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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