why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
