come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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