Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
