Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
