There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
