My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
