3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
