I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
