I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
