I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
