koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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