Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize