I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
