herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
