Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
