sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
