I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
