Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
