I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
