i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
