I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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