i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
