I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
