I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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