Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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