areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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