she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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