Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
even my farts smell like vagina
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want a musical about memes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
