I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
