Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
