Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize