Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
