So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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