From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
