I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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