Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need a beard to bite.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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