You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
