did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
