we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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