Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am naked and annoyed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
