Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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