I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
