I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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