Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
