Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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