dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
