about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
