chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
