I wish you could order shots online.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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