May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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