My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
