Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
