I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
