I wish my penis had an off switch
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
