K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
