Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
