he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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