Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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