just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
