Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
