she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
