thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
