Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
