Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
