My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
