I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
