I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
