is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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