i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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