This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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