Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
