Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
