i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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