My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
