mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
