i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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