I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
