So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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