I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
