so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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