i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
