On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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