Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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