I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
4 words: hood of his car
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
