I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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