if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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