Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
