clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize