when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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