I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
