when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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