Me too!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
