I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
