I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i came on her dog
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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