you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize