after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
