i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
