i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
