he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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