Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
