I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
