I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize