is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
