I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
