do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
