Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
