Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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