omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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