we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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