Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize